Thursday, March 12, 2009

I sent this letter to the Nurse Educator. He said I should share it. So here goes: the maiden voyage of the blog.

This job is killing me...

I don't know how much longer I can survive being on Tele. Maybe I'm getting melodramatic, but the knowledge that there are no open L&D positions is making me lose all kinds of hope.

Every time I feel a little more positive, like I'm getting the hang of things, I'll do *something* wrong somewhere and get pulled back underwater. Like drowning a little bit at a time.

Today I got in trouble because of an order for a "VIP" patient.

When I got in, we were overstaffed, so I was put "on committee" to do my HealthConnect modules. At 3:30 I was told that one of the nurses wasn't showing up and I was taking his patients. I was also told that I'd likely be going back on committee at 7. So I had about 3 usable hours of a shift to work with after getting report.

The order was written at 12:30pm, for a 5pm CBC draw. It was noted and faxed, so I assumed (stupid stupid stupid) that that meant it was taken care of and would happen as planned.

Apparently lab never came to her, so it wasn't drawn, and the MD came to check the result and it wasn't in. I didn't even know it was an issue until after the fact, around 8pm. And I got dinged. Got two separate talks. And that's how it always goes. I get a talk from T where I hear, "You know, PurpleRN, this doesn't look good for you" and then a talk from J where I hear "So tell me what happened? I'm on your side, and just want to know how we can make things smoother." Pulling a good-cop/bad-cop routine or something.

And I was just pleased with myself for getting my charting done by 7 lol. Whenever I start feeling the slightest bit competent I do *something* wrong. Is the only solution to just assume I'm always on the verge of fucking up? It's not a sane way to manage a job, I think. But I'm not sure what else to do.

Do you have any words of wisdom? Sorry for the long rant but you're the only one I feel that would actually be on my side.

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